My Prayer of Thanks

Lord you are my salvation. I've come to you, because my thirst won't be quenched be worldy things. You know what I thirst for...what my desires are. I trust in you Lord. My faith rests in you, and I cast my cares on your shoulders. I know you will never forsake me.
You have given me my beautiful new clothes, and thank you Lord they will never wear out or be outdated. Lord your blood has cleansed me, it has made me whole and free. You have given me a beautiful brand new outlook on life!, and I hope I'll be able to tell others about your beauty, gentleness, forgiveness, and love...as You did: in boldness, and strength in kindness, and mercy with love....never judging. I want to feed on your word everyday! Help me press in, use me, help me to see inside myself, and to clean up my house (my soul). Show me how to be a lighthouse...a beacon to your word with all boldness, and clarity in my spirit. Father you know the innermost desires of my heart, even those I don't recognise! My life is yours Lord share yours with me! Prepare me Lord I know you have a plan for me, help me to be strong and full of your spirit, joy, and fearlessness. Bind those who come against me. Don't let me fall into the traps of the enemy. Help me to truely love my enemies, to pray for them, and bless them. I want use all the gifts you have given me. You gave us these gifts, you paid the price for our sins our selfishness our humanity. Show me where and when and how to use these gifts. Help me to learn by faith to use them to glorify you Lord and never myself! All praise,  honor,  exaltation, and glory to you Lord God. Amen

The Flower

Long and slender, gracfully moving in the breeze. Supple and soft,with plump buds bursting with hues not made with human hands. Twisting and twining, digging roots into the soil. Toiling, florishing, beauty at it's best,...then it's time to take a rest.

                                         by Donna Evans 8-29-12

The Song

Life is all about love and friendship, love well and all man will be part of that kinship.
Your heart beats rythmically, singing your song, because even if you don't feel it you are very strong.
Sing.....sing.....sing, and live life to it's epitome, keep loving, learning, and laughing....make your life a great poem.


                                      by Donna Evans 1996

Anger Calm

Anger is an all consuming energy! It's a violent hurricane ripping things apart, and destroying anything in it's path!
I desire calm and peacefullness,......like floating on the winds of Spring....doing nothing more complex than smelling all the aromas of Mother Nature.



                   by Donna Evans 8-14-05

The crux of it

I'm the ripples on a lake. Never at the center of what caused the ripples (not knowing what caused them), but forever going outward, running away from the cause!


                                              by Donna Evans 7-19-04

Journaling

My dreams perturb me. Sometimes they even scare me. There's always something fearful lurking , and I am always running....running away. I must face the unknown fear so I may be free.
i think I must be afraid to find out what or whomit could be....maybe it's my father in monster forms and proportions.......or maybe....it's me!

                         by Donna Evans

A composition of life.

Needy that's what we are, we all need.....love affection, joy etc.! These are all needs to be a healthy person. To be alive, to be in life, to enjoy life to it's fullest. Love, the water of life, it is what wets are appetites for friendships, and companionship, the meat of life, and of course that leads to joy and affection....the dessert of life. which brings us back to love. These needs all make up the infinite circle of life. Which I live. Thank You! ....quite happily now!

                               by Donna Evans 7-9-04

Caged

 I'm in a small cage, and there dosen't seem to be any way out! Round and round I go peering thru the bars as life itself goes by.I ponder at all the free birds outside, where do they all go, and why aren't they all in cages too!
 I'm eating and eating........ the seed weighs me down. I feel tired and sluggish. I just want to sleep! Oh to be free from this cage, like all those other birds out there, but I can't leave,...it's safe,..it's my home,..it's the prison Iv'e built bar by bar by bar. Someday I'll find the hidden door. Then I'll fly away! FREEDOM!

                                             by Donna Evans 7-8-04

My Sisters

 My sisters, I have 3. I love them. Sometimes they make me angry, other times they make me feel glad, and so proud to be a part of them......us. I've wondered what it would be like to be an only child ( as I'm sure sisters sometimes do), but then I think........it would be like a person missing an arm or a leg...or some other vital part. I don't think I'd function as well as I should.....I'd be incomplete. My sisters make me whole, they round me out, they are honest (mostly) with me. Am I beautiful? Well of course you are they'd say, a raving beauty, as I'd also say to them, and of course I'd mean it! They love me even when I'm unlovable. They are my personal cheerleading squad, my friends, my guardian angels, they are my loves, my sisters.


                                               by Donna Evans 7-03-04

Insanity

I have this huge tornado inside of my brain,
It's been causing me..oh so very much pain.

Some day I will get some relief,
In that I have to have belief.

Or I would probably go insane,
From this dreadful dreadful web of pain.


    by Donna Evans   Dec. of 1991

Web of Pain

This web of pain is not a test,
In this horrible instance it was called incest.

I have to deal with it day by day,
And hope that some way I will get some rest.


     by Donna Evans  Dec. of 1991

Abuse of the Ages

It started out as a lonely life. No one else my age to play with, only adults. I remember snipetts of fear. I don't know what from, but I remember it and it felt tangible.

 I'm 3 or 4. Put your face in my lap (daddy this is not comfortable. I don't want my head here). Mommy why can't you see from the back of the truck?

I'm 7. We just got a big dolly from my aunt...one of my cousins old dolls. It's as big as my little sister. I make the dolly pretty with her high heels and dress.....then I take off her clothes, and touch her like daddy touches me. It doesn't feel good.

I'm 9. Mommy please take me with you to cousins wedding...Please. Honey you'll be fine, I'm only going to be gone for 2 days. Daddy is going to watch you. Please mommy PLEASE can I go with you! No you'll have fun with daddy. I'll see you the day after tomorrow. Daddy comes in our room late at night....and pulls down the covers....then pulls down my pants, and touches me on my private spot. I want to say stop...stop...STOP, but i'm scared...I just watch him....he puts his tongue there! Mommy...Pleeeaase come home.

I'm 8. He comes in every so often. So I'm going to change rooms (maybe he won't find me). He does.
Mommy can I tell you something? I don't like daddy touching me. She doesn't understand what I'm saying. He doesn't stop.

I'm 10. We're moving to a new house..Yeah! I get my own room! Wait I don't know about this. Oh honey I thought you'd be happy to have your own room (mom says)......I am, but can I have a lock ....so... aaa....my little sisters can't get in (yeah that's it)? No you can't, you don't need a lock on your door. I'm sorry you're not going to have that room of your own yet........Grandpa is moving in temporarily. (I'm pouting outwardly, but inwardly...Oh God thank you!) But mom that's not fair.....I smile inside.

I'm 11. Mom....dad touches me! What do you mean? Mommy he touches me down there....".OH MY GOD!!! "( Oh no....is it my fault?  Please don't hate me I didn't mean to! Please don't hate me!....I already hate myself). They are getting a divorce. NO....I love my dad, just make him stop touching me! Don't make him leave. Daddy is crying , and begging......he punches a hole in the bathroom wall. IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!!!

I'm 12. I don't like me I'm scared of everything, and everyone. I just stay by myself. Maybe no one will notice me,......but I don't really like being alone, I want friends. I'm just afraid they won't like me. Why should they....I don't like myself.

I'm 13, I'm 18, I'm 28, I'm 35. I still am not happy with me. I have learned how to appear not to be so shy, but I still am....even though I have 2 teenage daughters (I am still single). My dad has told me he was sorry ( he had a triple bypass, and thought he was gonna die). I want to believe him...I really really do,....but I don't! I find God...I think. I bring Him to my dad. I leave and move far away for a few years. He's found God now. He's very sorry...He cries "I'm sorry". I want it to feel good, and for it to make all the pain go away. It doesn't.

I'm 36. Lonely, lonely, lonely.

I'm 40. God brings me my husband to be. Thanks to my good friend, and thank you Lord!  What's a relationship supposed to be like? I've never had a real one...Not one where I haven't been abused! I'm Bossy, I want it my way!  HELP ME TO CHANGE!!!

I'm 42. We  are married in may of 2004. I'm very happy he..(dad) dosen't walk me down the isle! He's dead! 1 1/2 yrs now, but the son he never told us about ( my little sis found out about him going through my deceased step mothers papers) walks me down the isle!  Joy I am so happy. I love you hubby!

I'm 44. I'm still sad sometimes, and scared, and scarred, but....I am doing okay...what do ya want....I'm damaged goods! We probably all are in some way.

                                        by Donna Evans  7-3-04