Saturday, August 10, 2013
Stray Leaf: Visions of My Past
Stray Leaf: Visions of My Past: Fragile is my memory, Yielding visions that have haunted me. Taking me back to a long ago place, Welling up feelings of anger and disgrac...
Friday, August 9, 2013
Visions of My Past
Fragile is my memory,
Yielding visions that have haunted me.
Taking me back to a long ago place,
Welling up feelings of anger and disgrace.
My tormentor standing nude over a long narrow bed,
Me cowering in the corner full of fear and dread.
Memory, oh memory please make that time obtuse!
I keep yelling it over and over.., but alas it's no use.
by Donna Evans 8-7-2012
Yielding visions that have haunted me.
Taking me back to a long ago place,
Welling up feelings of anger and disgrace.
My tormentor standing nude over a long narrow bed,
Me cowering in the corner full of fear and dread.
Memory, oh memory please make that time obtuse!
I keep yelling it over and over.., but alas it's no use.
by Donna Evans 8-7-2012
Coming Into Me
Musical winds pushing the chimes to and fro,
The flowers bopping to the beat of the wind.
Trees raising their arms, singing hallelujah,
Little birds chirp as they bathe in the warm waters of the bird bath.
All outdoors are vibrant, alive, and full of joy!
They seem to know something I do not.
All of nature has that internal happiness I struggle, and strive for.
Sitting in the midst of the trees, flowers, and birds,
Watching the bees buzz around loaded with pollen,
And the arachnids catching their supper,
I sense I am also a part of this....this thing I call nature.
Is my struggle for happiness unfounded?
Is it something I already have?
I feel myself smiling,...realizing..this is true!
Happiness has been in my peripheral vision all along.
I just couldn't see it, because I was too busy.
Too busy searching for what someone else told me happiness was.
by Donna Evans 8-3-2012
The flowers bopping to the beat of the wind.
Trees raising their arms, singing hallelujah,
Little birds chirp as they bathe in the warm waters of the bird bath.
All outdoors are vibrant, alive, and full of joy!
They seem to know something I do not.
All of nature has that internal happiness I struggle, and strive for.
Sitting in the midst of the trees, flowers, and birds,
Watching the bees buzz around loaded with pollen,
And the arachnids catching their supper,
I sense I am also a part of this....this thing I call nature.
Is my struggle for happiness unfounded?
Is it something I already have?
I feel myself smiling,...realizing..this is true!
Happiness has been in my peripheral vision all along.
I just couldn't see it, because I was too busy.
Too busy searching for what someone else told me happiness was.
by Donna Evans 8-3-2012
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Conformity?
Conform, conform, conform!
Why must I be what you want me to be?
Must I conform to your normalicy?
Should I let your phobia rule my life?
Should I let the things you do and say cause me strife?
No I'll celebrate and be proud of whom I've become ....of who I am!
If you can't accept it I don't give a damn!
I deserve all that you do regardless of my ____( ethnicity, obesity, sexuality).
I deserve all that you do....I deserve equality!
Donna Evans 7-12-2013
Why must I be what you want me to be?
Must I conform to your normalicy?
Should I let your phobia rule my life?
Should I let the things you do and say cause me strife?
No I'll celebrate and be proud of whom I've become ....of who I am!
If you can't accept it I don't give a damn!
I deserve all that you do regardless of my ____( ethnicity, obesity, sexuality).
I deserve all that you do....I deserve equality!
Donna Evans 7-12-2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
The Frightened and The Fighter
Sitting in the quiet of a cold dark room. A concrete pit of angles and shadows. Grey.
A small window with pebbled glass and iron bars. I sit in the center as I watch the door slam shut....
and the key turns....the door is locked.
Fear is around me....I reflect on my life..was I bad? Was I a bad person?
I don't think so, so why am I here? Who put me here? Have I...imprisoned myself?
These questions flash through my mind. Could I do this to myself? I battle with me.
Do I really want the answer?I'm Frightened, but I am also a Fighter!
The Frightened little girl in me wants to hide and be ignorant of why we are in this pit.
The Fighter wants to kick and scratch her way out of here. Who will win?
Have I imprisoned myself...cut myself off from everything and everyone?
Pondering, pondering, pondering....maybe, maybe I have.
The Frightened is small and feels safe in this little grey room with bars.
The Frightened is strong. Strength is in her Fear.....safer to be alone....
No chance of being hurt, but Fighter glimpses sunlight and hope through that tiny pebbled window.
Fighter wants more! Fighter is not sure if she is strong enough to do battle with the Frightened. But
Fighter wants to see what's outside the window so she strives to take the key that will open the door of the pit,
but Frightened grabs Fighter by the waist and holds fast...it's not safe, not safe!
We'll be hurt, hurt, hurt! But...Fighter struggles with Frightened and somehow the keys to the pit are in her hand. Fighter unlocks the pit door and swings it open....Frightened is cowering in the corner, Fighter goes to the Frightened and pulls her to her feet. Look out the door. There is nothing there to hurt you. The Frightened tentatively takes a step toward the door, but Fear keeps her from going through the door.
Fighter perseveres. Frightened goes through the door tentatively her eyes rolling this way and that...terrified.
Fighter and the Frightened are free!
One step is all it takes. Sometimes the greatest courage comes from the midst of our fear.
Donna Evans 6-2013
Ms. Robot
A robot I was...wound up so very,very tight.
Automatically doing, doing, doing with no question or fight.
Get my coffee, dump my ashtray, go vacuum the floor.
I did it all without question, and much much more.
"Watch the kids, clean the house, have dinner on the table".
I was only 11, I think abuse was the label.
You've taken so very much from me,at times even my dignity.
You're so controlling and conniving, and don't even know it,
At times I just feel like telling you to stow it!
You're bossy and rude, and lies slip from your tongue like honey,
You make me feel inside all twisted and runny.
We're not young children anymore you need to realize,
And we all quite easily see through your lies.
We should be assets to you..ones you have loved and nurtured,
But mostly we feel heartache, anger, and butchered.
Why is your love conditional?
What happened to you? That turned you into a demanding shrew.
A robot no more will I be, I will wear glasses of a new reality.
I will go back and rescue the wounded me, give her love ,respect,
and acceptance of the shiny new me!
Donna Evans 5-2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
The Hole
The hole...it was always there...I think we just learned to walk around it.
It was of no consequence...it just....was. No one talked about the hole,
what it might entail to get it fixed or repaired, no they just avoided it.
With time the hole crumbled around the edges and became even bigger,
but still it was walked around, avoided, of no consequence.
Until one day the hole became a gaping chasm with no way around it!
They had avoided it for so long that the hole like a festering sore had gotten bigger and infected,
and was threatening to do great damage.
They finally decided they must talk about the hole, and determine how to fix it.
Once they started talking about the hole a whole can of worms was opened!
Who dug that hole, and why did they dig it, and why hadn't it been repaired immediately?
Blame was strewn around plentifully, no one wanted to admit to wrong doing.
Eventually they were all yelling at each other, and over each other so that no one could be heard.
One person stood in the middle and yelled for quiet. Eventually all became silent, but it did take some doing.
"Please one at a time' she said "we are not accomplishing anything". At this a old grizzled man
came up. "I dug the hole he said", and they all looked at him astonished.
"I dug the hole many years ago" he said. 'I dug the hole to bury my shame, but could not bring myself to cover it".'Why" he was asked? "I was afraid that the shame I buried would grow, and become large enough for everyone to see. So I left the hole open and hoped no one would notice it."
"What was your shame they asked? We have a right to know it has cost us much, and we will have to repair it". He couldn't or wouldn't answer. An old woman came forward, and said "I know why I knew him way back when. He wounded a young bird, and left it paralyzed with fear. That's his shame from way back when". At this the old man hung his head and wept. At first the crowd was angry, but then they saw his anguish and they pitied him. He had caused himself far more pain trying to hide his shame than if he had dealt with it. The crowd dispersed. They had decided they would help the old man fix the hole.
They worked many days repairing the damage the neglected hole had made, but eventually it was repaired, and a beautiful tree was planted in the place the hole first originated. Why a tree you may ask?
This is what the old man said after some contemplation "A tree is a peaceful thing. It listens and does not judge, It's beauty and majesty are unparalleled. The tree will remind me, and you that yes there was a hole, but holes can be filled with beauty if we put the right things in them".
Donna Evans 6-5-2013
It was of no consequence...it just....was. No one talked about the hole,
what it might entail to get it fixed or repaired, no they just avoided it.
With time the hole crumbled around the edges and became even bigger,
but still it was walked around, avoided, of no consequence.
Until one day the hole became a gaping chasm with no way around it!
They had avoided it for so long that the hole like a festering sore had gotten bigger and infected,
and was threatening to do great damage.
They finally decided they must talk about the hole, and determine how to fix it.
Once they started talking about the hole a whole can of worms was opened!
Who dug that hole, and why did they dig it, and why hadn't it been repaired immediately?
Blame was strewn around plentifully, no one wanted to admit to wrong doing.
Eventually they were all yelling at each other, and over each other so that no one could be heard.
One person stood in the middle and yelled for quiet. Eventually all became silent, but it did take some doing.
"Please one at a time' she said "we are not accomplishing anything". At this a old grizzled man
came up. "I dug the hole he said", and they all looked at him astonished.
"I dug the hole many years ago" he said. 'I dug the hole to bury my shame, but could not bring myself to cover it".'Why" he was asked? "I was afraid that the shame I buried would grow, and become large enough for everyone to see. So I left the hole open and hoped no one would notice it."
"What was your shame they asked? We have a right to know it has cost us much, and we will have to repair it". He couldn't or wouldn't answer. An old woman came forward, and said "I know why I knew him way back when. He wounded a young bird, and left it paralyzed with fear. That's his shame from way back when". At this the old man hung his head and wept. At first the crowd was angry, but then they saw his anguish and they pitied him. He had caused himself far more pain trying to hide his shame than if he had dealt with it. The crowd dispersed. They had decided they would help the old man fix the hole.
They worked many days repairing the damage the neglected hole had made, but eventually it was repaired, and a beautiful tree was planted in the place the hole first originated. Why a tree you may ask?
This is what the old man said after some contemplation "A tree is a peaceful thing. It listens and does not judge, It's beauty and majesty are unparalleled. The tree will remind me, and you that yes there was a hole, but holes can be filled with beauty if we put the right things in them".
Donna Evans 6-5-2013
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